


Cape Cod, 1990

by geekthegirl



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Garden of Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekthegirl/pseuds/geekthegirl
Summary: Eiji returns to Cape Cod for the first time since coming back to the U.S. While there, he revisits some of the familiar sights, and people, of the past. Set between the end of the manga and Garden of Light.





	Cape Cod, 1990

**Author's Note:**

> All of the locations and photos Eiji takes are based on the "Cape Cod, 1985" series of illustrations from the Angel Eyes artbook.

250 miles, roughly four and a half hours, was a long time to think. Enough time, surely, to come to his senses and change his mind. But 250 miles and four and a half hours after Eiji got into his car, he found himself passing the town border welcoming him to Cape Cod.

Eiji surveyed his surroundings as he drove through town. Old New England houses lined the streets in sparse bursts and gothic churches loomed on the occasional street corner. In the bustling streets built for tourists it was exactly as he remembered it, but the outskirts of town showed signs of its age as though it was a living thing rather than a place. More than anything, the town felt much smaller than it had five years ago. Maybe it was a matter of perspective. The whole world felt a bit smaller since he had last been here. Eiji parked his car on the edge of a small park and stepped out to stretch his limbs. It was warm and bright - hot even, as the sun bore down in sweltering currents while it approached noon.

Eiji hoisted his camera bag onto his shoulder, its weight a reminder of his purpose. He’d want to take the pictures and leave without lingering for too long if he was going to get home before Sing returned from his trip. When Sing learned his company was sending him out of town that weekend, _that_ weekend in particular, he’d cursed - first in Chinese, then in English. Eiji had offered the Japanese translation to lighten his mood, but it didn’t work. It was only by the effort of several rounds of reassurances - yes, Eiji would be fine by himself for the weekend - that Sing even considered leaving.

He’d been to this particular park before, years ago. It seemed unlikely that there was a single inch of the town he hadn’t explored back then, still new to the US and eager to drink in its sights. Now he was seeing it all anew, not with fresh eyes but experienced ones. He spotted his first target almost immediately, a gnarled tree with low-hanging branches, the ideal height for climbing. The light was perfect just here, hardly a cloud in sight, and Eiji took the camera from his satchel before kneeling on the rocky ground for the shot. After adjusting the lens with a delicate twist of his fingers, Eiji held the camera up and peered through the viewfinder.

Ash smiled back at him, seventeen and full of life, his long limbs clinging to the branch as he hung below it, the ghost of a laugh at his lips. Eiji’s finger squeezed the button, a click as the shutter sounded. Once he’d secured the shot, Eiji lowered the camera and the phantom vanished. He lingered, his eyes hesitant to move away at first; once he broke away, he turned and walked from the spot without sparing another glance.

In the back of his mind, Sing chastised him. He’d planned for this, like he did every year, distractions in place to keep Eiji from sinking too deeply into himself. And every time, Eiji entertained these plans with a smile and sincere gratitude. Sing meant well, he tried to do his best. Eiji could almost hear Sing’s voice in his ear, pleading with him to come home. Eiji ignored it.

The day was nice enough to invite him to walk, so he left his car behind and followed the curve of the road. He could have moved closer to the center of town, but instead chose to stay among the quiet edges and side streets. Less than a mile down the road, Eiji came upon a small shack that once operated as an ice cream and food stand during the summer months. It looked abandoned now, just slightly too far off the beaten path to prosper, the lot empty and quiet. He recalled this place as it was a few years back; again, it had stayed exactly the same, the only significant difference being the accumulating rust on the sign.

Eiji paused to take a photo of the scene. From behind the glass of the lens, the acquired rust appeared to have melted away, leaving the sign looking fresh and new. Beneath it stood Ash, nineteen years old, and smiling as he brought an ice cream cone to his lips for a tentative taste. Eiji could taste it as well, the cold creamy sweetness on his tongue. He was swallowed by memory. The smell of fish frying. The sounds of laughter. He wasn’t sure which of these sensations were real and which were living memories flaring up in his senses.

The sound reminded him, strangely, of how quiet it must be in his empty apartment.

After a moment the other sensations faded out, but he realized that he was not imagining the laughter he heard. He followed the sound, off the road entirely, until he found himself at a small, swampy pond at the edge of town. A few kids were running around it and splashing in its shallow waters. The sight brought a small, brief smile to his face. Through his camera lens he saw Ash, twenty-one years old, shirtless and waist deep in the murky waves. He flashed a sly smile at the camera, the youthful beauty of his features having settled into a mature elegance. As Eiji put his camera away, he could almost see ripples where Ash’s shadow should have been.

He’d wandered far enough, and judging from the sun making its way across the sky, he’d been at it for quite a while. A weariness was settling over him, in his body and mind alike. He knew he should turn back but he pressed on. There was still one more place he wanted to see.

The house was exactly where he remembered it. Like the rest of the town, he could immediately notice the signs of age having passed. The house stood like a carcass, decaying and forgotten, in the middle of the overgrown lot it stood in. It was already in bad shape when they had visited it the first time and Eiji wondered if anyone had even stepped foot in it since then. He positioned himself to take a few photos, the urban decay at the front and center of every single frame. Through his camera, he could once more see Ash, smiling down at him from one of the windows, wistful and alone. He was twenty-two, as he would have been if he had been there with him today. Eiji snapped the photo and pulled the camera away, staring up at the window.

“Happy birthday, Ash,” he whispered.

It was time to leave, but the ruined shambles of the house still drew him in like a magnet. Eiji found himself moving closer, until his feet were firmly planted on the front stoop and his hand was reaching for the doorknob.

“Can I help you with something?” a voice called over to him and Eiji was so startled he almost dropped his camera. He secured his grip around the strap and turned to where the voice had come from. A man was approaching him in broad strides and Eiji noted that his face was familiar to him - something intangible that reminded him of Ash, but much older.

“I…” Eiji began, momentarily at a loss for words. He instead held up his camera in a gesture of apology as he gathered his thoughts. “I’m a photographer. I was just taking some pictures around town and the house interested me. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

The man slowed to a stop just a few feet away and gave him a steady gaze before a quick, curt nod. Now that he was closer, Eiji could detect the faint smell of alcohol.

“You’ll need to be careful. Place’s been in bad shape for years, not sure how stable it is to go inside.” He rapped at a wooden beam supporting the front porch as though to prove his point; it gave an unpleasant creak as his hand made contact. Eiji’s face flushed red - his intentions had been apparent enough. He took a step back from the door and could feel the man’s eyes following him.

“Is this your house?”

“Yeah. I own the place, anyway. Not much to look at, don’t know why you’d want any pictures of it.”

“Hmm,” Eiji chewed on his bottom lip as he considered his answer. “Even broken things can be beautiful sometimes. I’ll be leaving now, I’m sorry if I disturbed you at all.”

The man turned away from him and took an unsteady step forward. Something gnawed at Eiji as he watched, unable to let the moment pass unacknowledged. Eiji let out a quiet cough, enough to get the man’s attention once more. His face wore a hardened look as he turned to face him.

“Mr. Callenreese?”

The stern look on the man’s face changed into something like suspicion as soon as Eiji said it. So it was as he’d thought.

“That’s me. But Jim’ll do just fine.”

“I thought maybe it was you. We have met… once before.”

“Who are you exactly?” Jim asked, surprised but retaining the gruff edge in his voice.

“My name is Eiji Okumura. I was a friend of your son.” He paused, then added, “Ash. I was a friend of Ash.” Jim was quiet as he considered Eiji’s words, his eyes focused on him for a long minute.

“You won’t be finding him here, so whatever trouble you’ve got in mind, take it somewhere else.”

“I know he’s not here,” Eiji said, each word punctuated with the painful awareness of his heart’s racing. “And I do not intend to bring you any trouble.”

“I do remember you,” Jim said. “That accent of yours. Hard to forget. You were here with him the last time he came back to this house. You were here when…” his voice trailed off and he didn’t finish his thought. He didn’t have to. Eiji nodded his affirmation.

“Yes. That was me.” A beat of silence.

“Don’t get too many out-of-towners this far out,” Jim said, a critical eye fixed on Eiji. “Come on, then. Least you could do is grab a drink before you leave.”

By now, Sing would have slipped out of a meeting and called the apartment at least once to check in on him. The first time Eiji failed to answer, Sing wouldn’t worry too much. Eiji wondered how many calls he had missed by now.

Eiji knew he needed to say no, that he should walk away and go back home. But he couldn’t, not now. When Jim turned again and began to walk away without another word, Eiji followed him.

********** 

Whether or not this place was still being actively used as a bar was unclear. While the bar appeared to be fully stocked, the glassware was spread out over the bartop in disarray and it was empty save for the two of them. Eiji sat down at one of the tables, a thick layer of dust overlaying the top. There was a nostalgia to this place too, one that was soon overwhelmed by the musty smell of rot and neglect. Jim walked past Eiji to duck behind the bar and pull out two spotty glasses, then turned to pull a bottle of liquor off one of the shelves. He filled the two glasses and walked back to where Eiji was sitting, extending his hand to offer him the drink.

“I cannot stay for very long. It’s a long drive back to New York,” Eiji said and took the glass from Jim anyway. Jim took a long drink from his glass before returning to the bar to retrieve the bottle. He set it down on the table between them.

“So you’re a friend of Ash,” Jim reiterated. He sounded tired and Eiji found it difficult to look at him. Instead he looked down at his hands, which were cupping the glass between them.

“Yes. I was. Before he…” Eiji stopped there. It hadn’t occurred to him until this moment that maybe no one had ever told Jim what had happened. “I’m not sure if you knew, but he…”

“I know,” Jim said. “I saw it on the news when it happened.”

Eiji paused, uncertain at first what he meant. The news broadcast - of course, he remembered now. After the fight with Arthur. In a hazy memory that felt like lifetimes ago, Eiji saw it on the television in Yut-Lung’s captivity, felt the agonizing uncertainty of it. He hadn’t been able to accept it as truth then because he could feel that Ash wasn’t really dead. Eiji had assumed that everyone who cared about Ash would have been able to feel it in that same way. He had always been naive about things like that.

“Right, it was on the news,” was Eiji’s only response. “I’m sorry no one ever told you in person. It must have been hard to learn about such a thing that way.”

“We’d been dead to each other for a long time anyway. He wasn’t… an easy person to love.” Jim took another drink and a heat coiled in Eiji’s chest, incensed by the dismissive tone of his words.

“Also saw on the news about what happened to those mafia guys. Busted a whole ring of human trafficking. They were the ones who killed Griffin, he said? The ones who killed Jennifer, too. He have anything to do with that?”

“Yes,” Eiji said with a swell of defiant pride. “He was the reason they were able to expose them, he helped free a lot of boys who… He helped keep more from having to suffer the same way.”

“Good.”

It was all he had to say about what Ash had accomplished. The heat that was curling itself around Eiji’s heart did not dispel. Rather, it tightened its grip.

“Whatever you may think, Ash did not intend to bring any trouble to you.”

Jim sniffed and there was a shade of something that looked like shame cross his face.

“No, trouble always… had a way of finding him. It wasn’t his fault, about Jennifer. About any of it. Cursed from the day he was born.”

Eiji slammed the glass in his hands down, surprising himself with its force. He was greeted with a loud clank and the feeling of the liquor dribbling over the side onto his hand.

“Stop it. How could you think such a thing?” his voice grew louder with each word and Jim’s hard set features locked in on him, unfazed by the outburst.

“I lost two boys and Jennifer, and every time I go outside I see that godforsaken house and it reminds me. Of everything I should have done differently. I come in here and I remember it exactly the way it happened. You all walked away and left it behind but I’m here living in it. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.”

No, Eiji couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand having years with the person he loved and spending them berating and abusing her. He couldn’t understand having a child and failing them so completely as to only learn of their death through a TV broadcast that wasn’t even true.

He also couldn’t understand watching the one he loved die in front of his own eyes. No. He had been spared that, at least.

“It is one place you can remember him and you let it rot like it means nothing,” Eiji spat out in a hoarse whisper. “It is disrespectful not to care for someone’s memory.”

“I wasn’t under the impression he had any good memories here to keep.”

Stories flashed through Eiji’s mind, the varied moments Ash had shared with him about Griffin, the faint traces of a smile that would accompany them. The only photos of them together, their letters; it was all here.

“He did. They were not with you.” Eiji swallowed, but the words kept spilling out of him like a sickness he needed to expel. “After everything, after letting him… you could do this much for him.”

“Why are you really here?”

Eiji opened his mouth, tried to think of an excuse, but faltered. The truth, then.

“I was not lying when I said I came here to take photographs. But I came here today because I miss him. I thought that it might help to be close to where he grew up instead of where he died.”

To this, Jim took another swig of his newly poured glass of whiskey. Eiji took his discarded glass back into his hand, compelled to do something with them. He did not raise it to drink and instead rocked it back and forth between his fingers.

“He’s going to be dead no matter where you go.”

Eiji winced at the words, and he sucked in a tense breath; it was ready to deliver the words on the tip of his tongue. They were cruel but he wanted to say them anyway. The anger bubbled inside of him, curdling his blood into something closer to poison. It was the way he felt when he thought of Yut-Lung. The way he felt when he thought about Lao. The way he felt about himself. They had all killed Ash in their own small ways. It was not what Ash deserved, to be remembered in such a way.

He looked at Jim again - really looked at him, and noticed for the first time the ways in which Ash looked like his father. He’d never noticed it before. Ash’s vibrant eyes had always been the centerpiece, the feature that overshadowed everything else, and Eiji had assumed he inherited that from his mother. But in those eyes there was something Ash and his father shared - melancholy, a pain that covered itself with a veneer of roughness.

Eiji closed his eyes. Grief was a heavy burden to carry; anger was heavier. He let his breath out slowly and released it.

“Why don’t you leave then? If there is nothing for you here.”

“Who’d want a run down place like that? All it’s good for are memories. Photos, trinkets. No one’ll ever be able to use ‘em. Oversized storage at this point. No one wants that.”

“Someone would. Someone who would take care of the memories. Keep them safe.”

Jim didn’t answer him right away, his eyes drifting away from him, towards the direction of the old home he wanted so much to escape from. He considered this for a moment and set his glass down, a strange look of clarity coming over his features. His eyes looked misty, and he spoke as though to himself or to the empty air around him, his voice wavering just enough to betray his weakening resolve.

“A tomb is still a tomb no matter how well you take care of it.”

“Someone has to,” Eiji said. “If they don’t… then that person is really gone. Forever.” His words were shaky as he spoke and his face was growing hot, tears dampening his cheeks slowly. He didn’t try to stop it. They had been trying to escape now for hours. If Jim noticed his reaction, he made no acknowledgment of it. He was lost himself, Eiji could tell, by the silent trembling of his hands.

“Surrounded by ghosts - it’s an awful way to live.”

“I am followed by ghosts no matter where I go, it makes no difference to me. Maybe they won’t follow you anymore if you go somewhere else.”

Eiji paused to wipe his cheeks dry and took in a slow shaky breath.

“Loving Ash was the easiest thing I ever did in my life. It still is. That is the difference. I don’t expect you to understand.”

It was quiet between them for a long minute, and only after enough time passed did Eiji look up to meet Jim’s eyes. He was watching Eiji, a mix of surprise and dawning understanding coming through. It shifted into something softer and gave relief to the sharp angles and hard lines in his face. The contact didn’t last long, he averted his gaze within moments.

“Then maybe you’re the better one to look after it.”

“I don’t understand.” But Eiji was fairly certain he did understand. A crumbling memorial was no memorial at all. Someone had to keep Ash’s memory safe, keep it company. Someone who loved him.

 

********** 

  
It was dark by the time Eiji made it back to his car. The night had settled over them unexpectedly and he knew without a doubt that Sing would be home and fretting over his absence by now. A small jab of guilt twisted in his chest. The thought brought him back to reality, back to the physical world in which there were people he needed to answer to instead of memories.

He began to drive, and as his car passed by the sign for the town, he could feel Ash’s presence next to him, a phantom passenger. Eiji didn’t have to look at him to see that he was sitting beside him, feet up on the dashboard with his head tilted back against the seat in repose. He was eighteen, frozen exactly the way he had been the last time Eiji had seen him. He hadn’t aged the way his father had, the way his hometown had, the way Eiji had. He never would.

Eiji looked over to his side and the spell was broken. He was alone.

The headlights guided him forward, two solitary beacons in the dark, as he left Cape Cod. Behind him, the ghosts that populated the town waited for his return, forever young in their lonely tombs.

**Author's Note:**

> So I know that Ash's father is the absolute worst. But I always wondered if he might have reflected a bit more on things and had regrets about his actions later in life, especially after Ash's death. I was also curious about how Eiji might have come to have a house out in Cape Cod by the time Garden of Light happens. This is just one way of attempting to answer both of those questions for myself.


End file.
